Dating tips for men: I’m not going to start off by doing you the disservice of telling you not to be a creep. I actually think most of us have not being a creep down to a fine art. The only men that are called creeps are the guys that give the good guys a bad name. Sadly, this is such a small fraction of men that it normally wouldn’t be a problem but because these are the highest percentage of men that approach women randomly, then we all get tarred by the same brush. So I’ll start off by assuming you’re one of the good guys, right? Yes, you, sitting in the corner wondering whether it’s the right time to approach her without coming off as a complete psychopath. Oh I know, approaching a lady and asking her out takes balls of steel, and because we have the loom of these “creeps” and “players” weighing down on us we tend to come off as a crazy person when trying to subliminally tell her we’re one of the good guys.
Not to worry. Raymond’s handy dating tips for men is here to save you the woe’s and turmoil of this ever changing dance, and I say it’s like that because it’s what we seem to do before we settle in to something more long term. We prance around and try woo the pants off one another.
Raymond’s several step guide on dating for men
Okay, so firstly. Forget what you’ve ever learned from your friends, your family, or whoever. The fact that you’re searching dating tips for men is because either you have no idea what to do, or the tactics you have tried in the past have amounted to nothing. It’s ok, you suck at dating. You’re allowed to admit it, I did too once upon a time. I’ve been equally told to, “get away from me loser” and dumped via text once I finally got on the dating scene. The thing is, is you only need to get it right once. The rest is just learning on the back of failure. You’re going to have to date a few duds before you can reach the prize.
Firstly, don’t be a “Yes” man. A yes man is what I was. A yes man will say yes to everything that the woman he’s getting to know or dating wants. A yes man will climb to the highest peak in the Himalayas and wait for a year to pick the flower that only grows once every ten years just to please the woman he’s trying to catch. Meanwhile, she will be back at home fucking the brains out of some other guy that won’t bend over backwards and give her everything she wants at the drop of a whim. Don’t be a yes guy. You’ll never get a girl that way, despite what your Mum told you. You’ll forever be endlessly searching google for dating tips for men with no success that way.
Women respond well to men that know what they want. A man that can make a decision and stick to it, and own the fallout for whatever decision he made is likely to have a lot of success in the dating world. Women are attracted to safety, and men that know what they want from life have an aura of safety around them; I have one or two friends like this and they have rarely been single because of the natural attraction they have to women. But then there’s also the issue of balance. Without the time to spend alone with yourself to find yourself, is balance not yet been achieved as their whole adult life has been spent with someone? A question I regularly ask myself.
I wish I had listened to some of his good, solid dating tips for men back then
I could never work out what my friends meant by not being too available. I remember not answering the phone at times because I didn’t want to appear too needy, yet I was still waiting by the phone for their call with nothing to do. This was still being available but I didn’t understand it fully. In my first proper Job when I started work for the government, my manager, before he left told me that I needed to broaden my horizons. I had no clue at all what that meant and I just ignored his advice, writing him off as an old fart. Yet he was right, I needed to broaden my horizons and become far less available. I wish I had listened to some of his good, solid dating tips for men back then.
Being less available is not creating the illusion that you’re less “there” for someone, when in reality you could be there if you wanted to be, no. It’s about finding who you are. It’s about getting involved in hobbies, in clubs, in friendship groups that take you out and about and doing other things rather than sitting around all day playing video games or out at your local boozer. I found writing for instance. My friends know that if I’m in the middle of writing something then I just won’t come out, and they definitely know that I’m totally up for exploring something new. I’m involved with photography clubs, and activist groups, and volunteering opportunities and all sorts. If I was on the dating market now I’d have to pencil someone in for a date. And calling them would have to be a certain time too.
Women have an in-built loner detector
Why do I say this? Well, women have this sort of in-built loner detector. They are more attracted to you if they know that you aren’t going to make them the centre of your life in some form of obsession. They want to know that you have a life outside of them. Take me now for example. I am writing this whilst my wife watches Netflix. How annoying would it be for her (or me for that matter) if we were in each others pockets 100% of the time? To some, that may sound like an awesome idea, but it’s not. It’s toxic behaviour and you should get a life quite literally. A life away from her so that she isn’t central to you anymore.
You also (and you wont believe how many men don’t do this) have to signal your attraction to her at the get go. No, I don’t mean hump her leg, but what I do mean is to state your intent. If you want to have a coffee or a date with a woman you’re going to have to signal to her that you find her wildly and uncontrollably attractive. You’ll be surprised that I say this because it’s common to hear don’t be a creep – and men will actually go as far as to try their hardest to not be a creep whilst forgetting to signal their attraction from the get go. What is a date without attraction? Coffee with a friend. Yeah, let that sink in for a moment there my friend.
It’s easy to do this, and especially if you DO find her super attractive then just say it when you see her. “Wow, you look amazing” or you could be more flirtatious and say, “wow, you look amazing; almost edible” with a smile. I guess depending on the person. Saying is one thing though and backing it up with actions is another. Keep your eyes on her all the time and listen to what she has to say. Be interested in what she has to say and don’t cut her off.
No games. Just be yourself
Lastly, don’t put up with any games or shit talking. You are better than that. If she tell’s you something like, “Well, this was great, but I’m sorry, I think I only see you as a good friend” you need to remember that she is not the sole purpose of your life, and you have many other places to be and people you can date. You don’t need to be rude, but make sure you signal to her that you’re a busy man and have lots of things to do. You can signal this by saying something like, “Oh. I thought this was going well. Okay. That’s disappointing. Well, I’ll see you sometime if I’m ever this way again and free.” Sometimes this can be taken at face value, other times it’s a test.
It can be a test to see if you can be bowled over as soon as she thinks you can. It’s a test to see if you will submit. It’s a test to see if you’re a “Yes” man, or that if you’re going to still place her at the centre of your life. Hell, it could be a thousand other things. Either way, you’re a busy man and have things to do, people to see, places to go, and many, many other women to date. There’s literally a ton of women looking to date out there. Realise it. You may also find that you’re date isn’t that quick to let you slip by after that.
For me dating has a few rules. You don’t need to be an arsehole but you need to convey to your date that you’re not a, “Yes” man, you have a life that’s not central to her, and that you have an abundance mindset, not a scarcity one. Do this and you’ll be successful in dating. Also, I’d like to say that dating isn’t a “game” and as soon as you think of it as a game then you lose, and badly. All players lose their good cards eventually.
Just be yourself. And you win.