Relationship Questions: At the beginning of our relationship, my wife and I asked each other a ton of questions on our thoughts for a future relationship with each other. Of course, we didn’t have a list and sat there in front of each other rolling off an entire list of relationship questions to each other, no. We slowly drip fed them to each other during the course of our dating phase. It was a way to get to know each other without being too direct. How can I get to know someone without being direct? Well, you need to know how to read between the lines. A simple question about his or her values from life will have you questioning more. You can ask if he or she’s is happy where they are in life? Or if they are thinking of going to study? The world is your oyster and it doesn’t need to be intrusive. Watch the video below to see what I mean.
Get to know their future career prospects.
I’m not a judgemental person so I think it’s perfectly fine if you’re settled where you are in life, and it’s also perfectly acceptable to always want more. It just depends what you want out of life and your date. I’m a person that’s happy where I am, but yet I always want to know more. I’m always seeking out a way to better myself for me and those around me. I’ll never be happy just as I am, although I’m quite content in life right now. There has always been a fire inside me that has wanted to achieve great things, have money, and explore the world. My wife lit that fire inside by asking me these types of relationship questions, because after knowing the answer then she knew how to help me get to where I wanted to be. I didn’t have the tools nor the guidance, but she had the experience and aptitude to help me with my mindset. So ask your partner where they’re coming from and where they see themselves in the next few years, not exactly like that of course but it’ll help you understand a bit more about their drive and ambition. Some people don’t want that, others do, and both are perfectly fine.
Question them tentatively about past relationships.
This is a really good relationship question to tell if your partner has strong character or not. My wife has always told me that her past relationships didn’t work out, but that was because she was younger and there were a few issues limiting her from moving forward. She dated arseholes but accepted this was her responsibility for dating them. She didn’t need to date them, but being young in another country with no friends plays on the mind of the kind young women she was. She is of strong character, she accepts the role she played in her partnerships and the attitude she had that enabled them to continue. Our past craziness is rarely discussed, it’s a non-issue. If your potential partner is heavy on the blame yet accepts no responsibility for the part that they played in the breakdown of the relationship, then it’s time to start questioning where you stand. You wouldn’t want to be blamed for everything bad that happens to them, right?
Bring up the subject of children even when the world tells you no.
Okay, perhaps not the best relationship question, and don’t ask it at the beginning, but at some point you’re going to want to know what your partners perception of children are. These questions can be super telling because it’s something that can make or break a relationship. Children aren’t just an addition to your family like a Christmas present is, having Children is a massive adulting responsibility. You will have essentially the entire life of another little person in the palm of your hands. You will be responsible for their needs, their wants, their behaviour, and everything else human. Watch how your partner addresses the subject. Analyse how they react to the questions and the answers they give. It’s not something you can casually say a yes to. It can bring up massive relationship problems if her or she doesn’t want them, but you do. I have also worked with many people in the mental health sector that have had children and then regret their decision to do so.
Side note: You shouldn’t be talking about children just yet if you are in your teens or early twenties. Go out and enjoy life.
Question their Integrity and morals early on
One thing I did to my wife in the first few weeks of our dating is allow her to see the dark side of my humour. I regret it but it’s something that I’m glad happened. We used to have a lovely little black Cat that would come and see us when we were out in the garden in the summer. One day I picked it up and stroked it. As I was talking to my wife I jokingly said, “What would happen if I drop kicked this cat over the fence?” — her reaction was amazing. Her arms filled up with goose-pimples and from then on I recognised that this happens when I do or say something she doesn’t like. She didn’t know if I was joking or not you see. We had only known each other for a few weeks and I could have been totally serious; especially as she knew me as someone that can’t hurt a fly. Yes, thus she got the first taste of my evil humour and understood it was just that, humour.
I think it’s a really good relationship question to understand their integrity early on. You cannot bullshit Integrity because there are certain things in life people assume are the good answer, but it might not be your good answer. It’s easy to do this, you can just watch if he or she follows through with their promises? Or do they promise all the time but never act on them?
Relationship Questions: What are their Politics?
My wife hates Politics so she rarely discusses it. In her eyes they’re all as bad as each other. I’m a bit of a centrist swaying in and out of Conservatism and Socialism, yet my opinions and sometimes crazy ideas doesn’t phase her one bit. It depends what type of person that you are. I come from a whole family of mixed Politics relationships. My Gran for example was a socialist Catholic, and my Granddad was a conservative Protestant, or so I assume. Granddad was always telling the news that they needed to round up the wrong-doers and shoot them, and Gran was always telling him to shut up, as was my Mum. Quite the scene if you ask me. But some people can’t handle the differences in Politics in a relationship and this is something you need to sort out earlier on if you’re inflexible in your views when it comes to the people that speak for us.
Are they animal friendly?
I’m an animal person but my wife suffers from allergies from cats and dogs. It’s never been an issue for me though because I haven’t had an animal since I left the family home. So migrating into a house with no animals was easy for me. This could be different for you though, some people couldn’t live without their animals, and having a relationship with someone that hates animals can be telling early on. There could be issues with allergies, smells in the house, dead animals brought back and a range of other issues. Ask these types of questions early on to get an idea if you’re going to be able to live comfortably with this person or not. This can be a deal breaker for some — definitely don’t forget to ask this relationship question.
This might seem like a strange one considering the bases we have covered previously but holiday’s can be a problem too if one or the other aren’t flexible enough. If say my dream destination was a cruise around the Caribbean but boats make you feel sick and queasy, or if their destination was exploring the back-streets of rural France, whereas yours was Las Vegas, then there might be somewhat of a conflict there. I guess it depends how flexible you both are.
But this list isn’t limited to these relationship questions and ideas. Keep asking away to get a wholesome picture of the person you’re dating. Keep prying for information, it can be quite telling what you may find.